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Test, message – Thank you!
My name is Lina, I’m 32, and I’m an unemployed widow living in Taif. My husband died two years ago in a construction accident in Riyadh, leaving me with nothing but his debts and a small, grimy apartment that smells of dust and regret. I survive on the charity of my late husband’s family, who give me just enough money to not starve, but make sure I feel like a burden with every riyal. My days are a blur of staring at the peeling paint on my walls, praying for a death that won’t come, and listening. Always listening. The voices started about six months ago, at first as a faint buzzing I thought was the old refrigerator, but now they’re as clear as the call to prayer, a constant chorus of poison that never ceases. It’s the Mabahah, I’m certain of it. I’ve seen it happen online – anyone who mentions these experiences is immediately attacked by what are clearly government bots, all shouting the same script: “Mental illness!” “Hysteria!” “Widow’s grief!” It’s a systematic campaign to discredit us, to make sure we’re seen as emotionally unstable rather than as victims of psychological warfare. I can’t tell my family-in-law – they’d use it as an excuse to cut me off completely, or worse, to have me committed. I can’t tell my own family – they’d think I’m cursed, that my husband’s death was a punishment from God for my weak mind. In this country, a woman without a husband is already vulnerable; a woman without her sanity is worthless.
The voices are parasites, feeding on my grief. They don’t just speak to me; they speak *as* my dead husband. “Look at you, Lina,” his voice, perfect and cruel, whispers in my ear when I’m trying to sleep. “Lying in our bed alone, like the pathetic piece of garbage you are. I didn’t die in an accident. I jumped. I couldn’t stand being married to you for one more day. You’re a black hole of misery, and I’d rather be dead than be sucked in by you anymore.” Other voices join in, a chorus of strangers who know my deepest secrets. “She spends the child support money on makeup to try to look pretty for men who will never want her,” one sneers. “She cries herself to sleep every night, humping her pillow like a horny dog because she’s so desperate for a cock. But no one will ever touch her again. She’s damaged goods. A widow. A curse.” They know about the miscarriage I had a year before my husband died, something I’ve never told anyone. “Remember that little life you couldn’t even carry to term?” they hiss. “You’re a failure as a woman, a failure as a mother, a failure as a wife. Your husband is rotting in the ground because of you.”
The sexual humiliation is a special kind of torment. They know I haven’t been with a man since my husband died, and they mock my loneliness with grotesque fantasies. “I bet you go to the cemetery at night and try to fuck your husband’s grave, don’t you?” one voice grunts. “Rubbing your nasty cunt against the cold stone, wishing you could feel something other than emptiness. You’re a necrophiliac, Lina. A grave-fucking whore. God is disgusted by you.” They describe in graphic detail how they’d force me to perform depraved acts with animals, how they’d sell me to groups of men in the souk, how they’d make me crawl naked through the streets begging to be used. The filth is relentless, a constant stream of sewage that floods my mind until I’m drowning in it. Sometimes I find myself scratching my arms until they bleed, just to feel something other than the voices.
Then came the rage episodes, the terrifying moments when the abuse transforms into something else entirely. Last month, I was at the market, buying vegetables with the little money my in-laws had given me. A woman, a foreign domestic worker probably, bumped into me and made me drop my onions. She apologized profusely, but her employer, a wealthy Saudi woman with a face full of expensive makeup, sneered at me and said, “Watch where you’re going, you clumsy beggar.” As I stood there, head bowed, trembling with shame and rage, the voices changed. Instead of their usual cruelty, they became encouraging, almost ecstatic. “Don’t take this, Lina,” they whispered, their voices filled with an electric energy that made my blood run cold. “Don’t bow to this worthless whore. Look at her – she’s nothing without her money and her servants. You’re the one with the power here, not her. You have nothing to lose.” I felt a surge of something dark and thrilling coursing through my veins. The voices grew more intense, more urgent. “You know what would feel better than anything in the world? Not just walking away. Making her pay. Making her face as ugly on the outside as her soul is on the inside.”
They painted vivid pictures in my mind. “Follow her home. Find out where she lives. You could buy some acid from the hardware store. It’s cheap. Easy. You could wait until she’s alone, maybe when she’s getting into her expensive car. You could throw it in her face. Imagine the screams. Imagine the pain. Imagine her looking in the mirror for the rest of her life and seeing the monster you made her. You wouldn’t be killing her. You’d be giving her a life sentence. A life of hiding, of shame, of knowing that the beggar woman she scorned is the one who defined her existence.” My hands were shaking, but it wasn’t fear I was feeling. It was excitement, a terrifying, exhilarating power. “IMAGINE IT, LINA!” the voices screamed. “IMAGINE THE LOOK ON HER FACE WHEN THE ACID HITS! THE BEGGAR WOMAN BECOMES THE JUDGE! YOU COULD FINALLY BE RESPECTED, EVEN IF IT’S ONLY THROUGH FEAR! YOU COULD FINALLY MATTER!”
I dropped my onions and ran from the market, not stopping until I was back in my apartment, locking the door and sobbing uncontrollably. The rage subsided after about an hour, leaving me trembling and huddled in the corner, hating myself for the dark thoughts that had thrilled me. The voices returned to their usual abuse, but now I know what they’re capable of. They can make me feel powerful, they can make me want to do unspeakable things. Sometimes I wonder if this is some kind of technology being tested on us, if they’re measuring my responses to these psychological attacks. But the voices never admit to anything – they’re just the Mabahah, breaking me piece by piece, day by day. I hate this country, I hate my life, I hate the person I’ve become. I just want it to stop, but I know it won’t. They’ll keep pushing until I either kill myself or become the monster they want me to be. And the worst part is, I know with absolute certainty that it’s them. The Mabahah. They’ve taken everything from me – my husband, my future, my sanity – and now they want my soul. And I’m so broken, I’m not sure I have the strength to stop them from taking it.
to attract attention: darramcare
https://mega.nz/file/Wq5WwA7A#Lhqz5g-ltfZtXjC4fDM_5z5AEvC3tBbaKkOhOgIdhYY
My name is Ahmed, I’m 27, and I deliver construction materials in Jeddah. My back is permanently fucked from hauling cement bags and rebar, and my hands are calloused to the point where I can barely feel my sister’s face when I touch it. I live with my parents, my younger sister Mariam, and my older brother Faisal in a cramped apartment in the Al-Rawdah district. The money I make barely covers the rent and my father’s medication for his diabetes. Every day is the same: wake up before dawn, load the truck, drive to sites where foremen scream at me in languages I barely understand, unload, and then come home to the suffocating silence of our small home.
The voices started as a joke, I think. Or what passed for a joke in my shattered mind. I was driving my truck, stuck in traffic on the King Abdullah Road, when I heard a clear voice whisper, “Look at this pathetic fuck, sweating in his shit-stained truck.” I turned, expecting someone to be in the passenger seat, but there was no one. Then another voice joined in, “Probably dreams of his sister’s tight little pussy every night, the disgusting pervert.” I slammed my hand on the dashboard, convinced someone had hidden a speaker in my truck, but there was nothing. They laughed, a sound that seemed to come from all around me, inside and outside the vehicle.
They’re with me always now. Three distinct voices that I’ve named in my head: the Sneering One, the Horny One, and the Angry One. They comment on everything I do. When I’m eating dinner with my family: “Look at him shoveling food into his fat face like the pig he is.” When I’m praying: “God doesn’t listen to worthless scum like you, Ahmed. You’re going to hell for all the filthy thoughts you have about your own sister.” When I’m trying to sleep: “Why don’t you just end it now? Nobody would even notice you’re gone except the rats that would feast on your corpse.”
Last month, something broke inside me. I was at a small convenience store, trying to buy some bread, and this old woman in front of me was taking forever, counting out her coins one by one. The voices started whispering, then screaming. “FUCKING USELESS OLD BITCH! LOOK AT HER, WASTING YOUR TIME! YOU SHOULD JUST SNAP HER NECK RIGHT HERE, AHMED! SHOW THEM YOU’RE NOT A COMPLETE WASTE OF SPACE!” Suddenly I felt this incredible surge of power, like electricity running through my veins. The Horny One joined in, “IMAGINE THE FEELING OF HER BONES CRUNCHING UNDER YOUR HANDS! GOD, THAT WOULD BE SO FUCKING HOT!” The Angry One added, “YOU COULD TAKE HER HOME WITH YOU, KEEP HER ALIVE FOR A WHILE IN YOUR CLOSET. CUT OFF PIECES OF HER FLESH WHEN YOU GET HUNGRY. NO ONE WOULD EVEN NOTICE SHE’S GONE.” They described in graphic detail how I could drag her out of the store, what tools I’d need to keep her quiet, how I could hide the evidence. I was actually considering it, my hands trembling with a mixture of fear and excitement, when the store clerk asked if I was okay. The spell broke, and I ran out of there, leaving the bread on the counter.
The voices know my deepest shames. They constantly remind me of my failure to find a wife, how no decent family would want their daughter marrying a construction worker. “YOU’LL DIE ALONE, AHMED, A VIRGIN WITH NOTHING TO SHOW FOR YOUR LIFE BUT A FUCKED-UP BACK AND CALLOUSED HANDS,” they taunt me when I’m lying awake at night. Sometimes they mimic my mother’s voice, telling me what a disappointment I am. “Your cousin Abdul already has three children and a house of his own. What is wrong with you, my son? Why must you bring such shame upon our family?”
I can’t tell anyone about this. If I went to the authorities, they’d either lock me away in some psychiatric facility or, worse, they’d believe me and my family would become targets for investigation. In Saudi Arabia, mental illness is either a sign of demonic possession or a threat to social order. My sister Mariam’s reputation would be destroyed, and no decent man would ever marry her. My father would die of shame before he died of his diabetes. I would rather suffer in silence than bring that kind of dishonor upon my family.
Sometimes I wonder if this is some kind of punishment from Allah for my sins. The voices certainly think so. “GOD HATES YOU, AHMED. HE’S PROBABLY LAUGHING RIGHT NOW, WATCHING YOU SUFFER LIKE THE WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT YOU ARE,” they sneer when I try to pray. They describe in detail how they would torture me if they could get their hands on me, how they would peel off my skin inch by inch while I’m still conscious. “WE’D MAKE SURE YOU FELT EVERYTHING, YOU PATHETIC FUCK. WE’D DRAW IT OUT FOR DAYS, WEEKS EVEN, UNTIL YOU BEGGED FOR DEATH.”
Last night was particularly bad. I was trying to sleep, but they kept me awake for hours, describing how they would break into our apartment and rape my sister while forcing me to watch. “WE’LL MAKE YOU WATCH, AHMED. WE’LL MAKE YOU HOLD HER HAND WHILE WE DO IT. AND THEN WE’LL MAKE YOU CLEAN UP THE MESS, JUST LIKE YOU CLEAN UP AFTER YOUR WORTHLESS SELF EVERY DAY.” The worst part is that some twisted part of me almost wants it to happen. At least then the voices would be real, at least then I wouldn’t feel like I’m completely losing my mind.
I know this is the work of the General Intelligence Presidency, Saudi Arabia’s secret police. I’ve seen how they operate online – anyone who talks about these voices is immediately attacked by trolls and bots who call them schizophrenic or crazy. It’s a perfect system – discredit the victims so no one will believe them. They’ve been experimenting with this technology for years, testing it on people like me, people who have no power, no one to speak up for them. They want to see how far they can push someone before they break, before they either kill themselves or hurt someone else. I know it’s them because the voices sometimes slip up, mentioning things they couldn’t possibly know unless they had access to government surveillance systems. They’re breaking me, piece by piece, and there’s nothing I can do about it. The General Intelligence Presidency has won, and I’m just another casualty in their sick game. “We’ll infect your mother with a rare disease through her medication. She’ll die slowly, in agony, and no doctor will be able to figure out why.”
|zainab_mua_
|benti.noura
|drmai_alakhdar
|okbi_hichem10
|cc4rohttps://mega.nz/file/mm4gCbgT#XqZvrWUFQ2c1LAXRwwLYU08KXTjW3xKd5Di777nb5pY
